Hong Kong News

Nonpartisan, Noncommercial, unconstrained.
Friday, Mar 24, 2023

How to tell your kids you can't — or won't — afford everything they want

How to tell your kids you can't — or won't — afford everything they want

Instead of spending a fortune on holiday gifts and experiences, take your children to volunteer. It will help kickstart an important conversation.

Earlier this year, 8-year-old Frances, was trying to persuade her mom to let her go to a summer camp popular amongst her classmates. When her mom, Jennifer Gee, said no, Frances burst out: "Why are we so poor?!"

The Toronto mom of two was shocked. Gee had grown up with a single mom and without a lot of money. How could Frances think they were poor? Gee and her partner own a home, they have food on the table, and they had even planned to take Frances and her brother to a drive-through Christmas lights experience for the holidays! 

The camp that caused this outburst costs $4,000 a week. Though Frances, whose name has been changed to protect her privacy, attends a French public school in Toronto, it's in an affluent neighborhood, where Gee says half the kids have nannies. 

Gee and her family don't live in this affluent neighborhood, but are zoned for that French public school. Gee is a school chaplain. Her partner lost his job during the pandemic, and hasn't found the same kind of secure job to replace it. 

"We don't have a nanny, but that doesn't mean that we're poor. There's something in the middle," Gee says. "[Frances] sees the disparity in some cases between what we're able to afford and what her friends' parents are able to afford."

Gee knew she needed to start talking to Frances about money and class, even if Frances is only 8.


Talk about money at the grocery store


Though 83% of American parents believe it's their responsibility to talk to their kids about money, 31% of them never do it. 

Parents often feel that money conversations are awkward, scary, and can seem "too adult" for kids — especially ones in elementary school, according to Ed Grocholski, chief marketing officer at Junior Achievement USA, an organization that teaches financial literacy, entrepreneurship, and work readiness. But kids don't necessarily feel the same.

"With inflation, some of the research we've done is that rising prices are top-of-mind for kids," Grocholski says.

He recommends that parents start talking about money when kids bring it up. Though asking to go to $4,000 camps isn't the norm, money does come up when grocery shopping or buying gifts for the holidays.

Gee is doing just this. She started showing Frances the family's grocery bill every week to show her how much things cost. When Frances saw the $135 grocery bill, she couldn't believe how high the amount was! 

I, on the other hand, couldn't believe how low the amount was! A Canadian family of four typically spends $287 a week on groceries.

Gee says she has always been an avid couponer and price matcher, which is how she keeps her bill so low. She even showed Frances where she used coupons to save money (which also helps Frances with her math skills). 

"I grew up with that scarcity mentality I don't want my kids to have," Gee says. "But we are also hoping that this teaches her that money is finite."


Parents face pressure to give their kids holiday 'experiences'


During the height of the pandemic, 23% of parents with kids under 18 felt the need to overspend to give their children the best holidays.

According to Gee, this feeling hasn't gone away.

She says that the holidays now aren't just presents and sitting on Santa's lap for a quick photo — they're filled with "experiences." Drive-through holiday light displays are popular these days, which cost around $30 per car. Toronto malls offer "Santa experiences," where kids take their classic Santa photo, but also get to make a gingerbread house and write a letter to the North Pole. These cost between $20 to $45.

"You're mindful that saving money for you is also potentially taking away an experience for your kids," Gee says.


Volunteering can be the antidote to holiday spending pressure


Between the holiday experiences and the presents, it all adds up. Many parents know they can't afford it anymore.

Gee says she's noticed an openness around money between parents in the past six months. Parents she barely knows are talking to her in the school parking lot and at activities about how the price of keeping their kids busy is getting to be too much.

Geleen Donovan, Family Promise of Union County's executive director, recommends that parents replace these activities with volunteering. Family Promise's mission is to end and prevent homelessness. Donovan works with many volunteers to help these families who are in poverty. She sees a major perspective shift in kids when they start to volunteer.

"The volunteer activity will cost nothing and will bring so much reward," Donovan says. "I really think it's a good antidote."

Donovan believes in practicing "radical compassion." She thinks that volunteering will help parents and kids see how well off they truly are — even if they can't afford every holiday activity. 

Gee has been setting this type of example for Frances. As a school chaplain, she's in charge of raising the funds to buy gift cards for 40 low-income families for Christmas. Now that Frances knows what their family spends on groceries every week, Gee asks her to help figure out how much they need to feed 40 families. 

Once again, Frances is aghast at the thousands of dollars it costs to feed people. Gee says she's starting to see the concept of money and privilege click for Frances. It's been helpful for her as a parent, too.

"You remind yourself that it doesn't actually matter," Gee says. "They'll be fine without the gingerbread house with Santa."

Newsletter

Related Articles

Hong Kong News
Close
0:00
0:00
Donald Trump arrested – Twitter goes wild with doctored pictures
NYPD is setting up barricades outside Manhattan Criminal Court ahead of Trump arrest.
Credit Suisse's Scandalous History Resulted in an Obvious Collapse - It's time for regulators who fail to do their job to be held accountable and serve as an example by being behind bars.
Goldman Sachs cuts outlook for European bank debt over Credit Suisse crisis
Paris Rioting vs Macron anti democratic law
'Sexual Fantasy' Assignment At US School Outrages Parents
The US government has charged Chinese businessman Guo Wengui with leading a $1 billion fraud scheme that cheated thousands of followers out of their money.
Credit Suisse to borrow $54 billion from Swiss central bank
The BBC problem about China
Russian Hackers Preparing New Cyber Assault Against Ukraine
"Will Fly Wherever International Law Allows": US Warns Russia After Drone Incident
If this was in Tehran, Moscow or Hong Kong
Announcing GPT-4
TRUMP: "Standing before you today, I am the only candidate who can make this promise: I will prevent World War III."
China is calling out the US, UK, and Australia on their submarine pact, claiming they are going further down a dangerous road
A brief banking situation report
We are witnessing widespread bank fails and the president just gave a 5 min speech then walked off camera.
Donald Trump's asked by Tucker Carlson question on if the U.S. should support regime change in Russia?.
'No relation to the American SVB': India's SVC Bank acts to calm depositors amid brand name confusion.
Good news: The U.S. government is now guaranteeing all deposits, held by, Silicon Valley Bank, and the funds are available as of today
Silicon Valley Bank exec was Lehman Brothers CFO
In a potential last-ditch effort, HSBC is considering a rescue deal to save Silicon Valley Bank UK from insolvency
Saudi Arabia has announced a major breakthrough in diplomacy with Iran after two years of intense talks
Elon Musk Is Planning To Build A Town In Texas For His Employees
The Silicon Valley Bank’s collapse effect is spreading around the world, affecting startup companies across the globe
City officials in Berlin announced on Thursday that all swimmers at public pools will soon be allowed to swim topless
Fitness scam
Market Chaos as USDC Loses Peg to USD after $3.3 Billion Reserves Held by Silicon Valley Bank Closed.
A primitive judge in Australia sparked outrage when he told a breastfeeding woman to leave his courtroom for being “a distraction"
Barcelona is feeling the heat as they face corruption charges over payments to former vice-president of Spain's referees' committee, Jose Maria Enriquez Negreira
Banking regulators close SVB, the largest bank failure since the financial crisis
Silicon Valley Bank: Struggles Threaten Tech Startup Ecosystem"
The unelected UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak, an immigrant himself, defends new controversial crackdown on illegal migration
Old clip of Bill Gates saying Ukraine is a big, fat, corrupt sinkhole is going viral
Man’s penis amputated by mistake after he’s wrongly diagnosed with a tumour
2 universities in Hong Kong embrace use of ChatGPT, other AI tools
In a major snub to Downing Street's Silicon Valley dreams, UK chip giant Arm has dealt a serious blow to the government's economic strategy by opting for a US listing
Missing Chinese banker was working to set up Singapore family office
Hong Kong ditches Covid mask mandate after 945 days
Xi Jinping and His Wife Meet with Cambodian King Norodom Sihamoni and Queen Mother Norodom Monineath Sihanouk
How do stolen goods end up on Amazon, eBay and Facebook Marketplace?
It's the question on everyone's lips: could a four-day workweek be the future of employment?
Is Gold the Ultimate Safe Haven Asset in Times of Uncertainty?
Spain officials quit over trains that were too wide for tunnels...
Hello. Here is our news digest from London.
Corruption and Influence Buying Uncovered in International Mainstream Media: Investigation Reveals Growing Disinformation Mercenaries
When it comes to Tesla vs Lamborghini, an empty vessel makes more noise
European MP Clare Daly condemns US attack on Nord Stream
Former U.S. President Carter will spend his remaining time at home and receive hospice care instead of medication
North Korea test-fires an intercontinental ballistic missile into the Sea of Japan west of Hokkaido
×